reflections on a week without social media

& confessions from a phone addict

5:06 pm

I’m currently editing a draft of this in a cafe, the bulk of it written in an afternoon back in my childhood bedroom.

the journal version of this blog post

The first week of June was the busiest week of my life. It was finals + graduation week, and thus I:

• scrambled to finish three final papers

• attended four graduations, two of which were my own

• deep cleaned my place in preparation for summer subleasers

• filmed a dance cover (deja vu by TXT)

• somehow managed to fit six separate hangouts in four days

and on top of everything, went to my first wedding as an adult!

At the end of it all, I just wanted to crawl into my bed, lock the door, and not speak to anyone for 24 hours. Which is precisely what I did. I honestly could’ve gone the rest of the week hiding like a hermit in my room, but I had to pack a bag because for some reason, past me had signed up for a week-long expedition to a farm in Yamhill, Oregon.

The trip was through one of the clubs I was a part of during college, but to be honest, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I was just excited to get away from the city, the noise, and my life in general in exchange for some fresh air.

yamhill, oregon

In the spirit of reconnecting with nature, my group collectively decided to do a media fast during our time on the farm. Some people gave up their phones entirely; I chose to forego all forms of digital media. So no music, social media, YouTube, and TV for the next week. I still needed to check emails and texts, but I limited my usage to just 30 minutes at night.

Now, a week of anything is doable for most people. This was not my first time doing a digital detox of sorts, but it felt more meaningful because of my intentions behind it. I recently committed to being a content creator fulltime (loosely put) as part of my postgrad plans, in addition to traveling and living outside of the country for a good chunk of the next 12 months. This no social-media-week was akin to me taking a week off, with the intention of reevaluating my priorities and clarifying how I want to approach my work for the next year. It was costly in some ways, but I’m trusting that the benefits will eventually outweigh the dip in engagement I’ve experienced since coming back onto the apps.

Obviously this is still a work in progress, but starting my postgrad summer in this way felt quite meaningful. I wanted to flesh out four of my main reflections on my week without media and share them with you.

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reflection #1:

I tend to live in my head > body a lot. Setting intentional “online” and “offline” time to use my phone has made my mind feel quieter & clearer.

Confession: During spring quarter, I spent more days than I’d like to admit scrolling for hours (and I mean hours) as soon as I awoke, only getting up when staying horizontal for one more Tiktok would mean wetting the bed. My mental process would go something like this:

i’m just going to use my phone for a couple minutes so i can wake up my brain.

…while i’m at it, i might as well check my recent post to see how it’s doing.

…you know what, it’s only 10am. i’ll go on tiktok for a bit to reward myself for getting through a long day yesterday…

and before I knew it, it would be 1pm. The dread I felt when finally getting up and seeing how much time I had wasted would impact the cadence of the rest of my day. Honestly, I’m impressed by my own sheer will and ability to ignore my bodily instincts and needs. Who needs food or water when you have Tiktok brainrot to feed mercilessly on? At night I would feel guilty for my lack of productivity, which I would ironically try to suppress by scrolling on my phone some more. It was a vicious cycle. Being a content creator myself, there’s always an underlying tug, a nagging whisper that I’m never posting enough when I’m looking at other people’s posts, which doesn’t help my unproductivity-guilt. There’s other factors like academic burnout and whatnot, but picking up my phone 100+ times a day only worsened my focus and cluttered my mind.

my screentime the day before we left on the trip

Coming out of a 3-hour social media binge to me is kind of like the feeling of walking out of a movie theatre after having watched an obscure film in the afternoon. You’re slightly dazed, the lights are too bright, and you really, really need to pee. Except now I’m anxious because I’m hit with the realization of how much shit I have to do, AND there’s nothing to eat in the fridge.

I didn’t realize just how much my phone usage impacted my brain activity until I wasn’t using it for a week (shocker). Of course being on the farm with open air and fields surrounding me in all directions helped, but without the constant buzz of my phone taking me away from the moment, it became so much easier to be present with the people around me and what was actually happening. For the first time in weeks I had so much space in my mind to think. Living in the moment became much easier as well.

I’m currently going two weeks without scrolling first thing in the morning, and am surprised to find how much more stable and grounded I feel throughout the day. The mornings feel slower, my mind isn’t racing, and I don’t experience as much brain fog.

reflection #2:

I may be a social media addict, but there’s hope (under the right circumstances).

My excitement to have an excuse to go MIA on social media and not respond to any DMs stood in tandem with my anxiety about low engagement and FOMO. I’m hesitant to call my social media usage an addiction, but the way it was harming my everyday productivity, controlling my self-image, and impacting my mental stability, it’s hard to call it anything else. A quick Google search will tell you that just like any other addiction (whether that be drugs, alcohol, or behavioral), there are a few key factors that can help in your success of breaking said addiction.

#1: acknowledgement + desire to change

#2: altering your environment

#3: identifying triggers

#4: distractions/alternative activities

#5: support network/accountability

*not medical advice, please seek professional help if you are struggling with a serious addiction.

If you are just as addicted to social media as I am and are also looking to also do a phone/media detox of some sorts, you definitely need a plan going in. The two factors that were most key for me were environment + accountability. If I had attempted this alone while I was still in the same environment, I honestly probably would’ve failed by the second day. Changing your environment could look like rearranging your room, or spending time at the library. Accountability could look like enlisting a friend to do the challenge with you, and meeting up daily to do a non-digital activity. Perhaps a text recap at the end of the day. For me being on a farm with a daily schedule, surrounded by other people who were also not going on their phones helped immensely, and I’m grateful.

For a week, my mornings basically looked like this:

7:00 am - wake up and fight the urge to check my phone

7:15 am - brush my teeth and wash my face

7:30 am - tea/coffee with others on the porch

8:00 am - morning devo

8:30 am - breakfast

9:30 am - work projects until lunch time (for my group, this consisted of mostly gardening, weeding, and preparing beds for planting)

my screentime three days into the media fast. i didn’t even know this was possible.

After experiencing both sides of the spectrum, I’ve been able to pinpoint what I actually like about social media and what I want to change going forward. A week being off the apps isn’t going to magically fix my triggers, but I have more clarity now about how I want to use social media. The material isn’t intrinsically harmful, it’s my usage that makes it so.

Experiencing how significantly my life has improved just without going on social media in the mornings has also provided me with motivation to continue this habit, instead of falling back onto my old ways. It actually feels doable, which is the most important thing to me. If you do decide to go on a social media detox, I recommend trying to pinpoint specifically what about your current habits are dragging you down so you can identify your “why”. This is crucial for building sustainable habits.

reflection 3: I don’t want my routines to revolve around my phone.

The week before I left for the trip, my days looked like this:

Moments after opening my eyes, I would roll over to check the time. Checking the time would lead to responding to texts (that I purposefully ignored the night before.) Scrolling until I absolutely needed to get up. Youtube or Tiktok playing in the background as I got ready for the day. Repeat.

There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with this routine, but I didn’t like how it made me feel, especially with my morning phone usage. At night I looked forward to winding down with Youtube videos, but using my phone excessively first thing in the morning affected me for the rest of the day.

To be honest one of the reasons I couldn’t wait to have an excuse to not go on social media for a week, was because of the realization at how vain I had become in the past year. Being a social media creator/influencer, I am never short of opportunities to scrutinize all aspects of my appearance. The week of graduation, I was doing a full face of makeup every day and having my picture taken countless times (both by myself and others). The number of times my photo got taken became directly correlated with not just my self-obsession, but also my self-critique. Instead of cherishing the people surrounding me and the moment the photo allegedly captured, I tunnel-visioned into only seeing myself and how good I looked in the photo.

There’s a couple reasons why I’ve become more sensitive to what I look like in pictures, but my social media usage has definitely contributed to said sensitivity (ie: accidentally stumbling upon ED twitter and reliving my preteen trauma). The tool that was meant to capture memories and special moments, became a tool for my own self-hatred and destruction. For me, going on social media as soon as I woke up trained my brain to have my appearance at top of mind every single day, which was exhausting.

I also realized that I was incapable of being bored. One time I was waiting for the light rail after my phone had died, and I was struck at how restless I felt. Without a friend to talk to, a book to read, music to listen to, or reels to scroll through, I simply didn’t know what to do with myself. I tried observing the people around me, reading the signs, scanning for rodents. After a couple minutes, I was still bored. But I felt calm. Boredom is oftentimes the breeding grounds for creativity. How can I be creatively inspired when I’m not experiencing the world I’m living in?

Coming back to Instagram specifically brought mixed feelings. Did my engagement drop? Yes. Instagram rewards consistency and constant engagement, and I had just drop kicked my responsibilities for a week (very much first world problems.) However, having space from the constant algorithmic feedback has made me prone to feeling less like I need to post 24/7. Not that I did anyways. Again, a lot of this is in my head. Although my career for the next year will be within social media, I don’t want my entire life to revolve around social media, or my appearance. It’s complicated because I still like social media for what it’s worth and want to continue to share my art, life, and experiences. Vices and virtues.

reflection 4: noticing my triggers was crucial to changing my habits.

Cue → Routine → Reward

Every behavior is a loop that follows those three elements. The more this loop is used, the more solidified that particular habit becomes. This “habit loop” is described by Charles Dugigg, author of The Power of Habit.

A cue, or trigger, could be multiple things - a location, time of day, thought, emotion, or person. These cues vary from situation to person, but once you notice a cue, your body will follow through with a routine (this could be physical or mental). If a reward is present following the routine, the brain will remember the reward the next time the routine happens. Once a habit is formed, the brain stops actively making decisions and the pattern will naturally continue.

For me, my habit was waking up (cue), checking social media (routine), watching videos and feeling the dopamine spike (reward). Another example: Feeling bored (cue), checking social media (routine), being entertained (reward). Even when I made the goal to go on social media less, if I didn’t actively try to change my routine when I experienced a cue, without thinking my hands would open Instagram or Tiktok because of the habit I had made.

You likely know what the routine is because that is usually the habit you are trying to alter. The next step is identifying the cue and the reward. Once you know your pattern, you can make a plan to proactively change your routine the next time you experience a cue, while still receiving the reward.

Like I mentioned previously, having space from my phone has given me space in my mind to evaluate what triggers me to want to use my phone. It’s also given me clarity on the emotions I experience when I do use my phone for certain things. Taking even just 5 seconds to think about why I want to go on my phone has been helpful in identifying these triggers.

When I feel socially drained, I want to use my phone. I found that taking a walk alone to get some fresh air gave me more rest in 15 minutes than scrolling for an hour did.

The end of June marks the end of the first 6 months of 2024. Time is flying by :’) If you haven’t yet, I think it’s a good time to revisit your New Year’s Resolutions or goals (if you made any, or maybe your Ins & Outs list). Perhaps this is the perfect time for a fresh start.

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going forward

3 commitments I’ve made to myself going forward, because reflections don’t bring about change without action.

1. No social media before breakfast.

   This both motivates me to get out of bed soon after waking up, and to also eat breakfast. I still play the NYT Connections because it helps with my brain fog (and makes me feel smarter). It’s just enough stimulation to wake my mind up, but doesn’t trigger me to linger.

2. Honor my social media time limits.

   I have had a 1 hour time limit for both Instagram and Tiktok set for years, which I’ve always ended up ignoring. But if it’s a boundary I set for myself, I should respect it! Just like how I would respect boundaries that other people set for themselves.

3. the hardest (& the most vague) goal: Go on my phone only if I have an explicit reason to.

   I realized that a lot of my phone usage is compulsive, and whenever I had a spare moment, my hand would reach for my phone. I want to use my phone because I choose to, not because I’ve conditioned myself to fill every free and available moment in my life. I want to cherish my time more.

   — Something concrete that has helped me with this goal: Putting my phone on DND (do not disturb) 90% of the time. I’m already bad at texting anyways, and I have the most important people in my life on the non-DND list for urgent calls/texts. Checking my phone for the time and seeing 0 notifications has been blissful.

Something that I always regret at the end of summer is how much time I wasted just being on social media. There’s no shame in bed rotting & doom scrolling, you’d be surprised at how universal it is… which I think says more about the state of our world vs our intrinsic selves. I’m learning to practice self-acceptance > shame. The former helps me to give myself grace, the latter only causes me to double-down on my bad habits. For many, including myself, our phones are an escape from reality, and rightly so. I’ve just become more aware that my extensive phone usage has been more harmful to me than helpful, and creating these boundaries has been an act of self-care. I choose myself!

Controlling my social media/phone usage has also given me more time + brain space to work on things that I’m actually passionate about, like this substack :) Look forward to more updates this summer!

until next time,

deborah ♡

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References (using Zotero for citations in university has forever been ingrained in me)

1. How to Break an Addiction: A Guide to Overcoming Addiction. (n.d.). Retrieved June 25, 2024, from https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/overcoming-addiction

2. Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674