january media scrapbook

a journal entry, articles that spoke to me, and other mismatched digital scraps that brought color to an otherwise bleak month

in a state of plateau

— 1.22.25 journal entry

I’m starting to get bored. It’s strange because I don’t remember the last time I truly felt bored with my life. It might’ve been 2020, during quarantine? But not quite to that level either. No impending deadlines. No procrastinated tasks to pull all-nighters for. No late nights out only to come home and spend an even later night half-heartedly submitting last minute assignments.

I go to sleep and wake up in the same room every night. My parents have such a predictable routine that my life is starting to naturally fall in line with theirs. I have just the right amount of stuff to do, social obligations to attend, work to accomplish. I have the capacity to meet friends, get a healthy amount of sleep, eat meals regularly. Everything amounts to being just under my capacity - I don’t feel stretched thin or overwhelmed. My days often feel unproductive but without consequence. I’m so used to a life tripping over my feet to get everything done, and now my days feel like a summer break gone too long. I wonder if my friends feel the same. I wonder if I should be feeling more urgency in my life.

My motto this year is to trust the process, and I think deep down, I really do believe that everything will work itself out in its own timing. To combat feelings of stagnancy, I remind myself every day how temporary my situation is, for both good and bad. I walk my dog and think about how one day I’ll want nothing more than to see his trotting shadow on the pavement. I dance to the Beatles with my mom in my bedroom, and half laugh/cry as I try not to wonder how many more moments like these I have left. A part of me feels like I cannot grasp the wholeness of a moment without acknowledging its inevitable end. What does this say about me?

—

If nothing changes, nothing changes. Normally I am the type of person who seeks novelty and thrives in environments of change. There was always a clearly defined beginning and end to seasons in my life - new seating arrangements and classes to look forward to, summer and winter breaks to anxiously await, terms and quarters that neatly divided my time.

7 months post-grad and 2 months post-travels, I’ve gotten comfortable. I’m in hibernation mode right now, regularly sleeping 9 hours a day, spending most of my time at home. Normally I would be itching to start something new, to launch myself into a completely new environment forcing myself to adapt out of survival, but I am discovering a new side of myself that savors the slowness. Winter in the PNW has always been rough for me, but seasonal depression has not hit nearly as hard as I was anticipating. Perhaps because for once, I am actually getting the rest I need - what a radical concept! Rest is important!

My email inbox has seen better days. Brands always quiet down after the holidays, but getting to live under my parents’ roof again means I don’t have to worry about rent or grocery money (very blessed). I don’t want to get too comfortable, I still want to be working towards my goals, but I don’t feel the urgency that I normally feel. Slow and steady. Trying new things, but at a reasonable pace. Giving myself time to acclimate, adjust to new routines, take note what I need and what feels good. Staying off of Linkedin has been helpful. I’m lucky I can opt out of feeling the job hunt pressure, at least temporarily. I know I’ll get the itch sooner or later, but I don’t feel the need to manufacture ambition or drive right now. Trusting the process.

pinterest

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Lorde is one of my lifetime artists. She made music that defined my adolescent years - Melodrama was one of the first albums that I deeply, deeply fell in love with as a teenager. I stumbled across this facebook post of her writing about being on the cusp of turning 20, right before releasing Melodrama…why did I almost start sobbing at my desk!

read the full post here

—

I read so many good articles from the Atlantic this month! Here’s a few of my favorites:

• “Capitalism’s Favorite Drug” by Michael Pollan, one of my favorite writers. I started really getting into coffee this past fall when I started taking barista classes, so learning more about the history of it was fascinating.

• I spent a lot of time alone this past fall, and it made me realize that I’m really not as introverted as I thought I was. “The Anti-social Century” is a must read for everyone (seriously, drop your email and I will gift you this article with my membership)

• “The Army of God Comes Out of the Shadows”. I read this before Trump’s inauguration, but with the absolute chaos that has been the first three weeks of his administration, it’s eerie to see how the differently America’s current political climate might be framed.

Subscribing to the Atlantic was one of the best things I did to expand my mind outside of my regular academic work. If you have any recommendations for other independent publications, please let me know.

—

After watching A Complete Unknown this month, my algorithm has been filled with Timothée Chalamet - SNL skits, interviews galore - this one with Saoirse Ronan is one of my favorite videos I watched this month (Lady Bird is one of my top four on Letterbox).

…and that’s all for this post. The sheer amount of media I consume on a day to day basis makes it difficult to actually retain any of the information or emotion I feel when “consuming” (for lack of a better word), so I’m attempting to make this hodgepodge of media favorites a monthly occurrence. Hopefully it will evolve as the year goes on, and that this can also become a space to share gems that fed our souls <3

xx